It happens to be the time of year when I have to ask Everedge whether they want to renew their financial support for thinkingardens. Given the battering so many companies have taken due to the coronavirus I wouldn’t be surprised if they can’t.
And this year, due to the coronavirus we may not open the garden. The Welsh government is still keeping us all in lockdown with no indication of when that will change, if it will at all this summer.
And truth to tell, I feel ambivalent about both these things, so I’m writing to help clear my thoughts and to discover what help in clarifying my thoughts you, my readers, may have to offer.
I often wonder how people doing the kind of things I do ever retire – I know people abandon gardens and even leave gardens but that would be entirely outside my nature, and I think, Charles’s. Whatever else, we will keep the garden going, because we love it and it’s good for us. We have no children so ultimately we could mortgage the house in order to stay on.
The current upkeep is expensive and we have, like everyone, lost money due to the coronavirus, but we have recognised that staying here and keeping the garden are priorities. Opening the garden may not be. It may take a change of perspective – at the moment, facing the huge cost of replacing the box hedging we tell ourselves we need to because it’s our business. Visitors need this change, we have standards to maintain for them. But we could begin to think differently. That we need to do this for ourselves, to keep our garden alive and improving, and to stop the heartache of seeing box blight. That we maintain the garden as we maintain the house, because decay and degeneration are miserable.
I think Charles quite likes us having garden visitors. He enjoys welcoming them and talking with them. Flirting with them sometimes, I bet. But we both know I find it hard – I’m naturally shy and find it stressful. I realised, going round the garden this morning, that I was feeling some relief that I wasn’t needing to try and see it through a critical visitor’s eyes. Which is always a challenge, since it’s hard to imagine what they see, how they judge, what they enjoy or dislike. But of course, I do try to imagine it and that informs how I see the garden myself. It’s not easy just to take pleasure in it. (See my post on the Veddw blog) Charles has a book contract and no intention of giving up photography, so I doubt he’d much miss the openings. It would free up his time.
Opening the garden is an activity which is never resolved. We never know whether we are successful or not because there is no definitive measure. There are a variety of measures, but they go different ways, veering from one side to another – cheering us with success then dashing us with failure. Always, all the time. It’s bruising – but if we stopped opening, would we miss the highs? Or would we just feel relieved to stop getting bashed?
The same applies to thinkingardens. It too is a lot of work. And the upkeep of the site is costly. The garden is both mental and physical work. Thinkingardens is less healthy. It’s desk work. And a lot of it and a constant pressure, finding contributors, rejecting contributors, (sorry) discussing contributions with them, editing and posting their work – and illustrating it, which can be a nightmare. Then publicising the post on social media. And worrying about whether anyone is reading it.
As with the garden there’s no way of really knowing if it’s worthwhile. I am constantly pleased that there is a place where dissent and controversy have a voice. But I’m constantly reminded that that is not what the garden world wants. It wants positive and plants. Or, as one editor said to me, to shut me up, ‘I think they still want where to and how to, Anne.’ People are engaged with their own gardens and don’t generally approach gardens as they would a film, a book or a concert – to enjoy, to be stimulated, excited. Garden visitors are possibly mostly mentally competing (a weed!!!) or embellishing their own gardens (what’s that plant?) and I imagine that their garden reading is informed generally by the same preoccupations.
So what do I know I definitely want in my future? Well, I want to write. I have always loved writing, just as I don’t love gardening. I want to research and write local history, and that is getting side-lined, even in the lockdown. (the weather has kept us outside). I actually also love writing about the garden, sometimes even about plants, and no longer need a paper publisher to have an audience. (and joy – unlike the audiences you get on paper, the ones online can answer back.)
But the need to publicise the garden and to promote the garden can make this into a pressure too. And an anxiety – I should be writing positively and encouraging you all to think the garden is amazing. (or at least ‘lovely’). And not make you feel bad because you really like turning your compost heap or edging your lawn. It would be liberating if I really didn’t care if everyone decided they’d never want to visit Veddw.
And liberating if I didn’t care either if I never got published on paper again. I’ve mostly stopped reading garden writing or watching any garden media because I find the relentless positivity, banality and compost heaps hard and confrontative. What if I’d been able to write like that? Would I have felt successful? (Note – “The merely egotistical satisfactions of fame are easily nullified by a toothache” George Eliot) So, can I free myself from all of that, altogether, for good? That would be a comfort.
So – would anyone take over thinkingardens if I gave it up? Volunteer for it, anyone? It could possibly be made to pay under a different, energetic and more err.. positive? editor? Shall I stop, anyway? I think this is most likely. If you know of anyone you think might like to take over, please forward this to them??
And/or shall we stop opening the garden and simply enjoy it ourselves?
I’d like to hear your thoughts, even if I may find some of them painful. Is anyone else going through similar dilemmas? I would appreciate it though if you didn’t suggest I change my character. That is beyond me and I would have made myself and all of you happier years ago had that been possible. I was born difficult and over sensitive and that I have to live with.
So – tell me what you think?
I’ve held this question in my email for over a month now. I just didn’t know what to say. It upset me just thinking about it. I’d miss it. It’s become a source of a totally different kind of thinking and talking about gardens. But anyone else doing it would make it different, so I’d almost rather, if you stop publishing it, it simply remain as is.
Thank you for this, James. I have decided and will post to this effect soon, that I will mothball the site. So it will stay as it is – and accessible as it is – and I could pick it up again if having a break changes how I’m feeling about it. And I will go on writing my own posts on Veddw, if that could be the slightest consolation.
I hope that helps. Good to hear from you. Xxx
I have already left a comment but something else comes to mind. Could you not approach your funding sources and say you are putting it on hold for a year while you concentrate on your garden finances etc. etc. and you are sure that CV19 will have hit them as well financially and therefore you are not requesting funding this year but could it be put on hold for a future date (a year from now) when life maybe back to normal? I am sure they might appreciate being given an opportunity to save some finance in these difficult times. This gives you breathing space if they accept it. Good luck in whatever you decide. Mary
That’s a good thought! I might well do that. Would give me a break and time to see how I feel later on. Thank you! Xxx
Anne, just come back to see what other comments have come in since your original post and was also wondering whether David Wheeler of Hortus might be someone who could take it over or know of someone who might be able to step into your large shoes (gumboots!)? Hope things are going OK still, in Lockdown and the weather has been kind to your garden. Mary
Hi Mary – I seem to have decided to hang on to it but park it for a year or so, for a break. And I’m afraid David Wheeler was absolutely horrified at the idea of critiquing gardens. Made me take one (by Sara Maitland) down.
As others have said Thinking Gardens is really the only place for proper critical thinking about gardens and it would leave a big hole if it were not kept live. I don’t read everything as I struggle with reading on screen but it is my go to place for intelligent commentary about gardens. Thank you Anne
Thank you for telling me and I will be sorry to be leaving this black hole. I do think if I had managed to be more successful it wouldn’t still be the only place. I do hope someone will continue the struggle, either on thinkingardens or somewhere new.
Thinkingardens would be greatly missed if you stopped running it. I may not agree with all the pieces but it is important to have a range of alternative thoughts and views on all aspects of gardening. The endless ‘how to’ instructions, coupled with a complete lack of contentious or political articles in the mainstream press is depressing. Where else can can we air our thoughts, question the unquestionable and criticise (constructively of course)? But I’m guessing you having been building up to this for a while, if it’s becoming a chore then, sadly for us readers and contributors, you really must let it go. The way you have written this sounds like your mind is made up.
Could you have the garden open less frequently? Could that be a solution?
Hi Christine – thanks for writing. I feel as if the decision about thinkingardens is coalescing as I’m reading and responding and thinking about everyone’s contributions here and in messages I’m getting. And, yes, it is going in that direction. And, yes, it is a shame – but it’s been so long that some of us have been looking for change in the garden world. And being a lone and often unpopular voice is wearing. I know you understand.
The garden? We have started opening less, and that does help. I’m wondering if we can be more creative in making it more painless. We have made moves in that direction. Maybe by my somehow not being involved! But we may just enjoy a year off, precipitated by the virus and the Welsh government, who are keeping us locked down. If I give thinkingardens up I may have more energy and enthusiasm for the openings.
Good to her from you. Xxx
See! You did the right thing! – You opened your heart and your readers responded. Now is it confirmed that whatever you do will be interesting if you share it? Even if that means writing history or something else. An honest voice, a reflective voice is always welcome! Thank you – I have enjoyed reading!
Well, I confess that I also hope readers will stay with the Veddw blog, which I find easy and enjoyable to write.And the history – well, it’s fascinating. I’m grateful for your encouragement. Xx
Anne, I’m sorry to be the first to bring up the subject of money, but surely it’s one of the fundamental factors in your decision-making process? Presumably you know how much income you get from each of these activities – opening the garden, and the website (if not, you should get someone in to look at the accounts!) Consider how ending each of these activities would affect your income (and therefore your ability to make ends meet) and how you would replace the lost income. If the income isn’t enough, can you do things differently to increase it (cut costs, increase revenue)? If not, and one or other is effectively a hobby, why not scale it back (less posting, reduced garden opening?)
If you don’t know what visitors think about the garden, why not offer free entry to a select few, in return for which you go round with them and they tell you their thoughts. I could tell you how much I appreciate your garden, but if, ultimately, opening it to the public is neither earning an income nor making you happy, then maybe you should stop – it’s your life, and your needs should come first.
best, Graham
Yes, of course money is a vital aspect – I did mention it in my post. And we do know how much we make, precisely, as we do pay our taxes. We are reviewing all that. The coronavirus has cost all of us and perhaps has changed our perspective on our (diminished) finances, but that’s a personal and complex thing. The whole business of considering the worth of all these activities is what I’m contemplating, and this post and subsequent discussion is part of that.
I somehow don’t think you quite understand my feelings about visitors, their influence on us and the cost of them, which is not surprising because it’s very complex, like the money, though I’ve tried harder to communicate about that. And I know I can stop. Maybe I will. We’re thinking about it all. I’ll let you know.
I think you must know how grateful we all are for the opportunity to visit your wonderful garden, but saying so makes me feel guilty; a kind of emotional blackmail! For me, our gardens are our personal spaces, our private sanctuaries. Sharing them with public visitors is sharing our private world with strangers – difficult for those of us who are quite introverted and who find human interaction stressful. Do you have similar feelings Anne?
Yes, my garden is that for me. But if you’ve been reading posts on here you will know that it’s also much much more. I have always felt it to be an important communication with the world and wish I had been more successful at sharing that communication beyond gardeners.
It seems that gardens like Portrack, Prospect Cottage and once upon a time Little Sparta managed to reach beyond ‘gardening’ but I think that makes it clear that it helps if you start off as a name in a different discipline. It will be interesting to see how Alasdair Forbes’s book on Plaz Metaxu does.
I’m a reader in the Pacific Northwest. I own a two-acre garden/bed and breakfast property on an island outside of Seattle. Gardening is my passion, and I’ve very much enjoyed reading thinkinGardens.
That’s great to hear. It has always been one of my rather unfulfilled ambitions, to make thinkingardens truly international. It’s good to hear I’ve succeeded a little and I do wish you success in your gardening. (and I’m resisting asking what you might think of as success and asking you for a thinkingardens piece!) Xxx
At some point, you have to stop. Nobody like to volunteer for anything and right now Covid has discombobulated our time constraints. I think you might consider mothballing Thinkingardens now…whether a howl of protest galvanises someone to take it on or whether it has come to a natural end or whether someone new starts up a different garden forum, only time will tell.
You’re right. I’ve checked and without new posts it will still be live and available. There is so much material on there that people could stay entertained by it for a long long time, just as it is. So I think that will be what I do. It’s just taking some gearing up to – feels a big step. Xxxx
I think mothballing and having a rest from it is the way to go for now….if you handed it all over to a more…err…positive editor, they might be tempted to use words like lovely, bountiful, nice, passionate…sweet opiates to the masses. We like acid sharpness and stimulation.
OK. Yes. If that were to happen I would have to cancel it!…….. Xxx
Anne, you are one of the more intelligent garden voices on line. Whether it is your voice, or your choice of voices, I would miss your presentation of ThinkinGardens. Although I rarely comment, I want you to know you have readers. Perhaps ThinkinGardens could be integrated into the Veddw site?
I will be waiting for your inspiration on how you deal with the boxwood blight. It has not yet arrived in California, but I have seen its devastation where it grew wild in France as well as in cultivation. As we say in our own garden when disaster strikes, “We have a design opportunity”.
Courage, Anne.
Thank you, Glenys. I will no doubt report on our success using Osmanthus as a replacement for box, though of course that will be in UK conditions. At the moment the challenge is doing that slowly so we don’t lose all our hedging at once – meaning I have to keep a lot of shrubs in pots for a while. Hope they’ll stay happy!
I like your idea of combining thinkingardens with the Veddw blog. The thinkingardens site will remain online, so that might simply be about occasionally publishing someone else with something useful to say on the Veddw site. A good thought, with much less pressure. Thank you! I’ll definitely consider that.
I have thoroughly enjoyed thinkingardens for the antidote it presents to the banal, conventional, how to gardening press. Every art discipline needs some grit in the oyster to progress and flourish;you have for many years provided this. Whatever you decide,your contribution is valuable.
It sounds as if the garden is not the issue;why not pause opening to the public and enjoy that for yourself? This may refresh your own perception,. Why are you growing box ‘for the public ‘? Your garden is your vision;visitors should accept that; be true to yourself,and thank you so much for sharpening your pen to sharpen my observation.
Thank you – your appreciation is really good to have. Xxx We are paused in opening due to the virus and I think even if we could reopen later in the summer we won’t – we will take that break you suggest. We don’t grow the box for the public – it is for us. I was just illustrating how we may need to change our thinking, from ‘business’ to ‘personal’.
Keep sharp!
Dear Anne W. : I have been working as a garden designer in Entre Ríos and Provincia de Buenos Aires, Argentina for 35 years.
For some time now I have been reading your articles and have found them most interesting, and stimulating. Re-thinking, contrasting, doubting, and opening minds is unusual and a very welcome change in today’s garden literature.
I do thank you for your excellent work. These however, are difficult times to make decisions because all the known variables are daily changing.
Here it is autumn almost winter now… a time when nature slows. So I find it easier to tune in with Her…
but I can ser how you must feel when spring-summer pull you forward, fast, to do, to creaste, to decide.
Thank you Anne, because even this “thinkingardens” with all your feelings of doubt, and questioning, is a wonderful way of yet again, helping many of us to reflect on whats gardens can, and do, teach us about THEM… AND about OURSELVES. Moreira, maybe Green but still mirrors…
There are times for every purpose, and cycles happen, change happens…
Whatever you decide..I thank you for the good road shared AND travelled…
Elsita Schulte, Cuchilla Redonda, Entre Ríos, Argentina.
Well, in the middle of having to keep the garden closed because of the lockdown, and having,in spite of that, still got exhausted doing the things I do, and then needing to decide whether to ask Everedge for a renewal of funding – the ‘time’ kind of came upon me. I do find myself very sensitive to the feel of the change is seasons, and it’s often accompanied by a nostalgia for the seasons I’m not having! Winter can be so peaceful.
Thank you for your appreciation, even for this cry for help. It’s comforting. And helps me to feel that what I have been at all this time may have been worthwhile. We could hope it might go on being, since the website can remain. Thank you.
Sounds like you should stop. Anxiety, stress, stopping you from doing other things you want to do. Not good. Thanks for all you have done.
I think you may be right! Thanks for writing.
I’m a gardener in Florida that is reading your thoughts and knowing I will likely never see your gardens. I have no history or even real connection to your story, but, I do know that I find value in your sharing. I also think we are all a bit fatigued with all the pressures of our current world. Now is not the time for big decisions. I have a friend that is calling this ‘the great pause’. I think it’s good advice. Pause. Don’t stop. Just pause and let the next course reveal itself. You will know it when it shows up. For today, you reached one person very far a way and the ripple of your work, be it on paper or dirt, changes the world just by bringing beauty and thought to it.
That’s an interesting thought. I like ‘great pause’. I will have to make funding decisions soon though for thinkingardens.
I’ve always enjoyed reading, and often being challenged by, thinkinGardens posts as well as your own about Veddw (and Charles’ ones about things like the beauty of coastal caravan sites), even if I don’t always respond with some inane comment.
I know the pressure that online posting puts on you, having just returned myself from a year off to recharge the batteries. Over time, the attraction of writing diminishes and the topics about which you most want to write change. If local history grabs you, then that is what you should focus on.
ThinkingGardens is your creation. It is you. And I doubt anyone else could replace you. If you are tired, you should have a rest and, perhaps, let it go out on a high rather than slowly fading away.
Maybe the site could be preserved in some static form so that we can come back to it in the future to refresh our memories. I recognise that there are costs involved in just doing that, though, so would make the offer that I have plenty of spare capacity in my hosting contract and would be happy to offer some of that at no cost, at least for as long as I remain in this mortal coil. Let me know if you’re interested.
Thank you for this offer. It’s a very interesting and kind one. I do pay someone to look after the site – and our other ones,of course. So I will consult him about how best to preserve it and get back to you. I just paid £250 to enable it to continue as the – platform?- was becoming obsolete.It seems things can’t just be frozen – a bit like Windows XP, for eg? – things go wrong if nothing happens. I’ll ask Gary and get back to you. Thank you, as ever.(wish we were using your doormat at the moment – no need when we don’t have a drop of rain!) XXXXX
If opening the garden is taking the joy out of it then stop it! Life really is too short and if you can fund it in another way, and have the freedom to ‘do’ the garden in a way that fits your circumstances better then take a well-earned retirement. Although by saying that I am shooting myself in the foot as I had planned to visit this summer before the Black Death intervened!
I’m begining to think it will be thinkingardens that goes. And we may try to find a less demanding way of opening the garden: maybe it doesn’t need my attendance. I don’t think visitors to Sissinghurst get greeted by the garden maker, after all?!
Hi Anne, I’ve long been a fan of Thinkingardens. I wrote an article for you once. It took a lot of effort on your part to make it worth publishing and I’ll never forget your patience, encouragement and honest critique.
At the time I was terrified of saying something that might offend someone and I managed to censor myself down into saying something far more bland and banal than I’d intended. I didn’t then have the courage of your other contributors.
My plan was to be a garden writer but right now I can’t write about gardens or even read about them. I’m thinking and writing about other things that seem more urgent, which I won’t go into here. I hope one day to return to the original plan.
You will make the right decision. To close, or remain open. And neither decision is irreversible.
My very best wishes x
This is kind – and your piece worth the effort. Do come back to gardens and garden writing some day!
You know – that’s the first time it’s occurred to me that the decisions may not be irreversible. How weird and thank you for the thought. Xxx
I think Veddw is one of the great gardens and should remain open. Some people do look at gardens the way they would a play or poem – I do and I’m sure others do too. Many gardens can’t be approached like this though because they’re simply not good enough. Thinkgardens too – it’s mostly the only thing I read on gardens. Can’t you write AND keep them open?!
Thanks, Yewa, but don’t I get a possibility of retiring from something!??
you do a great job on here…to many of us I daresay you ARE thinkinggardens. Not me for the job, I am a hopeless administrator and far too much of a people pleaser and non-rocker of boats…mostly.
I tire of the relentless joyousness of the popular garden media, and the third request for a guest post on my website blog page this week suggested three possible subjects. What To Wear Gardening (it was from a country clothing company), or Top 10 Ways to Garden on a Budget, or What to Plant in Summer.
Please, make this pain go away, somebody?
I wish I could love. Xxx
I believe that thinking Gardens is unique to you you Anne, the thought of someone else taking it over. No, if you give up writing it, I would probably soon give up reading it.
It would be like the dreaded ghost writers that so many top authors such as Wilbur Smith, I believe, have taken to using over the past few years!
I don’t write it though – I write some pieces but mostly I’m editing.Surely that makes it different? Just (!) needs a new editor.
I sit corrected.
There have been an amazing lot of brilliant people contributing – they deserve acknowledgement.
Do not undersell yourself as just an editor. The editor can make or break a piece. The right push in any direction can bring the writing to life. I appreciate your editing and the willingness to not be light and perky. I love that this blog gives me something to think about. It provides something to push again and find my own way of thinking about my own little garden. I vote for a pause if needed and see what emerges. (My husband has stopped and started his blog or changed its focus several times. You too can play with this online writing and see what surfaces.)
Good Luck in your decision! I will miss you if you stop! but do understand!
Thank you, Joanne. It has been an interesting, and enjoyable, challenge to become an editor. And I have loved being able to publish and support people who’s voices deserve to be heard.
I am now realising that I could take a break – it’s then losing the funding that will be hard to regain that is the worry. Keeping the site going has been something of an expense. But still – needs must, I think. Xx
Yours is the only garden orientated post I always read, probably because of the thought and energy that goes in to writing it. That energy inspires, encourages and provokes long after the column has been read. What drains you invigorates this reader and surely many others. It is not “would” I take over but “could”, knowing my limitations the answer would be ” not even close”. Thank you for one of those rare things that is truly worthwhile.
Thanks for the thanks! One of the problems is disappointing those who appreciate the posts….
I think it’s high time you passed over the mantle of Thinkingardens to someone else! You’ve done a fantastic job with it and the body of content is quite extraordinary – people from all over the world offering intelligent and interesting observations about gardens that you would seldom see in any print platform. So come on folks, give the girl a break.
Oh, Anne. I feel your pain. I’m different to you inasmuch as I like gardening, but the same, I think, because I feel the garden media is saturated with positive, ‘how to’, trendy BS and I don’t see any sign of it changing. In fact, it just seems to be getting worse. Ultimately, I think you’ve done your bit to educate people and I’m sure nobody would think any less if you resigned from your stint as change maker. If it’s any consolation, sometimes I’ve disliked you and your writing, but you’ve definitely inspired me to stand up and be a dissenting voice and to question my views. I think you can bow out with aplomb, if that’s what you decide to do. It sounds excruitatingly trite, but you really do have to do what makes you happy. Best of luck. Sarah
Thank you, Sarah. It’s so good to think it may have been worthwhile.(if unpleasant! Sorry!)
No pressure there then, Charles?
Your life is now too short to spend years doing something that not only you are out of love with, so much that it is stressfull. Life goes in cycles like this but the transition is often painful and scary.
True! Xxx
Anne, I just want to add my thanks to all the others above for insightful writing and editing, picking contributors to make us think outside the box. You must firstly do what brings you contentment, joy, stimulation and edit the stressful parts out of your life. You do seem to have achieved worldwide readership and many admirers judging by the comments so cherish and rest your virtual pen to enjoy some downtime. You will be missed but not forgotten. Best wishes for whatever you decide on.
Mary
Thank you, Mary – very kind words. And yes, some downtime, I think! Xxxx